Clichés

There’s an old saying that goes something like this: “There are no stupid questions”. Maybe not. Maybe there are just stupid people. No, no maybe about it. There are stupid people. You’re just not supposed to call people stupid. It’s supposed to be some great , big secret, like Mrs. Holling’s “boarder”.

I remember my mother yelling at me, “Don’t call your brother stupid, stupid!”. Mom had a way of cutting to the heart of things like carving a tough turkey with a dull butter knife.

I guess that was the meaning of, “Give with one hand and take away with the other”. I took that to mean I could slap my brother silly with one hand and take his candy away with the other. He still hides all the candy when I go to his house and he’s 56 years old now. He also has a tic that he gets whenever I come to visit.

No, you shouldn’t call people stupid. For one thing, a stupid person already knows it. I mean, stupid knows stupid. It’s like a club or something. It’s also impolite and ill-mannered. To my way of thinking, a stupid person wouldn’t know if you were being polite or not. He may just think you’re rude.

“Come on, Earl, you’re not stupid”.

“Man, you’re just being polite”, Earl responds.

“Yea, I am”.

“Good manners tell”. I like that one. It sounds like something and it isn’t anything. Good manners tells what? That you had good upbringing? That you have a nice personality? You’re afraid of telling the truth? If Charles Manson had said sorry in court would that had made some sort of difference? Not to the dead people it wouldn’t have. This is an supposition, of course. Maybe it would have made a difference.

“I’m sorry, but I’m a homicidal maniac and I’m going to kill you”.

“Oh, okay. You very polite, young man. Kill me! What do you mean, kill-”. Boom!

Good girls don’t do it until they get married. Then they don’t do it twice. That’s insulting. Actually, good girls do it and then get married immediately and have premature babies. I don’t know what good boys do since good girls don’t do it and bad girls wouldn’t go out with good boys and do it. Wouldn’t go out with them in the first place. Maybe good boys all become priests and dedicate their lives to God and the study of Jackoism.

“Love thy neighbor as you love thyself”. Jesus hit it right on the head with that one. Not too much of a comeback to that one, is there? If your neighbor is Jeffrey Dahmer and you’re a masochist, it works out just great. If your neighbor is Hannibal Lecter and he’s firing up the grill, whistling an odd song and watching you, I’d think twice. If he smiled at you, I’d think fleeing would be a good notion.

There are people who mix up the Bible with Shakespeare. They say something is biblical when it’s only Old Bill writing some claptrap made up in his foppish brain.

Portia: “A gentle rain from Heaven is twice blessed. It blesses he that gives and he that takes”.

Sounds like something Jesus would have said if he hadn’t and Billy Boy did instead. Of course, a harsh rain from Heaven is twice cursed. Once in the way in and once on the way out.

“Expletive old hurracun!! Iffen Ah wunted this heah ole trailah a moved eny, Ah’d a moved et mah own self! Uh, oh, heah et a comes from the uthah side, expletive et all !”