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Paperback compilation of the four Commuter books





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Funny Stuff To Read OnThe Commuter Bus, Train, Plane, HOV Lane.

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      Poems And Rhymes Of Our Times
...by Brian Cecil and Megan Cassavoy

 

Einstein— A Real Genius

Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein was a real genius. He managed to put being intelligent together with being a little lazy and make it pay off big time. A great summation for him is his own quote- “Everything should be as simple as possible, but not simpler.” What he actually meant was things should sound simple but be impossible to understand or proven wrong.

As smart as he was he was not very successful at the start of his scientific career. In fact, his career didn’t start in science. He opted out of the German army by becoming a Swiss. He didn’t think shooting at someone was very smart and he knew being shot at wasn’t. He got all his education and degrees he needed but no one wanted him. No one. He found a job as a clerk in a government office. He wasn’t very good at it. He was always daydreaming.

One day, as he rode the trolley home from his job, he noticed he could still read the time on the big clock behind him. He was doodling something or another at the time. Suddenly he jumped up, pointed to the clock and yelled out, “Eureka!”

Everyone around him jumped up too. Was the trolley crashing? Was it about to derail? What was going on? Then, when nothing happened, they stared and glared at the man who yelled. Einstein was embarrassed and sat down and kept quiet. The rest of the passengers kept a wary eye on him.

After getting home and having his dinner, he took a cup of tea and sat by a window, idly doodling, and staring into space. Suddenly he yelled Eureka! again. He had it this time. There was no such thing as time. No matter how far he traveled from the clock the time remained the same! Eureka! He said to himself, “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” His wife either didn’t understand or didn’t care but she made no response. She figured this was Albert being Albert.

He wrote that up as a paper and put it in a drawer. He didn’t understand it and wasn’t sure it couldn’t be disproved. That it couldn’t be proven was immaterial in the world of science. As long as no one could disprove a theory you could say the most outlandish things and did. The scientists of the day had nothing on Jules Verne.

He thought this one through as best he could. He thought that light had to travel at a constant speed. How could it not? Okay, so far, so good. Now what? Einstein figured out that the faster an object moves, the more massive it becomes. He couldn’t prove that but no one could prove it didn’t. That means that no object can ever reach the full of the speed of light because its mass would become beyond measurement. This led to the physics expression E=mc2, where E is energy, m is mass and c is the speed of light. Eureka! How the hell would anyone prove that wrong?

He wrote a paper and it was a hit. He had it made now. No more patent office jobs for him. Now he could lounge around as a Professor with no one bitching at him to stop daydreaming and do some work. How could you tell if he was daydreaming or working as a Professor? He taught basic physics but since he was a learned professor it came out as special. He was getting smarter by the day.

When Hitler came to power Einstein was smart enough to realize that was a bad thing for him as a Jew. He went on a tour to the United States. Hitler, being a lot less intelligent that Einstein, let him go in order to show off German science. When told later that Einstein was a Jew, Hitler screamed out, “Stop him! Find out who the Dummkopf was that allowed this to happen. It was Hitler so nothing was ever done to anyone.

When WWII began in the Pacific and then in Europe, the United States was not involved. Some scientists worried about the German ability to build an atomic bomb. They all understood the splitting of the tom produced great energy. They needed to warn President Roosevelt of the danger. They also knew Roosevelt didn’t know crap about science but he had to know Einstein was a star in the field. They recruited him to go see the President.

“Good morning, Professor Einstein. It is a genuine honor to meet you. Excuse me for not standing. Polio you see.”

“Ya, I heard. I come to you to tell you a warning of a bomb the Germans could be building. It’s a big bomb. It would be a real boom.”

“Yes, yes, I know. The Germans are always building something bigger than the next guy. When, I mean if, you didn’t hear that from me, we go to war we’ll deal with it.”

Einstein thought- Dummkopf. There would be no dealing with this bomb.

“Mister President, you don’t understand the power of an atomic bomb. It won’t be a little boom, it will be a big boom!”

Roosevelt damn near jumped out of his wheelchair. His Secret Service agents damn near shot Einstein. It took a few minutes for everyone to settle down except for Einstein. He was only puzzled at the reaction. It wasn’t like when he yelled Eureka!. Okay, this man nay be President but he’s a little jumpy.

“Mr. President, a normal bomb explodes outward when it is set off. It makes a boom and expands energy and destroys a lot of stuff, okay? If we could make some radioactive thing implode first the substance would get smaller and smaller until it reaches what we call critical mass. Then it explodes out ward. But it would be the biggest explosion ever on Earth. Honest. It would make this whole area into a smoking rubble. A big boom.”

“Implode? Critical mass? Big boom. All I understand is the big boom part. Is this a joke? Did you guys sit around and think this up? Okay, ha, ha, now get out of here.”

After Einstein left Roosevelt called the Secretary of War. “Harry, Albert Einstein just left here. He was in here ranting about an atomic bomb. I didn’t get it all. He sounded like a nut job to me. Maybe we ought to check him out just to be on the safe side. You agree?”

“Well, Mr. President, Hitler is so-”

At Princeton, the President of the university began to wonder about Einstein. A genius no doubt but what had he done lately? Maybe he should have a talk with the genius. Then the US got into WWII and everything changed. Most students went into the military. Most of the Professors went into government service. The donors all scrambled to get either a commission of General or an agency to run. There was no time for worrying about Einstein.

After the war everyone was busy trying to get back to normal. After a few years, the President thought again about Einstein. Damn it, this time I get something for all the money he receives.

“Professor, I thank you for coming here to see me.”

“Ya, sure thing.”

“Professor, I’m going to get right at it. You get an awful lot of money and I don’t see any big return. This theory of everything isn’t paying off like the other stuff you came up with. I think you need to give a series of lectures. It would make it seem like you were actually doing something besides rambling around and daydreaming. Do you agree?”

Do I agree. Hell no! I see what is going to happen if I say so.

“A series of lectures. Ya, that is an idea. Ya, I start with solving one problem and go from there. Ya?”

“Sure, whatever you want.”

The hall was filled and then some. Everyone wanted to hear a lecture by Einstein. The other Professors lowered themselves to attending. Einstein shuffled in from a side door. He went to the stage where a group of blackboards were set up. He had on his usual sweater and kit his pipe. He stood staring at the boards for a few minutes before starting to write an equation out.

He wrote for the whole hour and a half allotted for his lectures. He then turned to the students and Professors and said, “Okay, solve this equation and I will come back to write another one. Ya?”

Einstein left the hall knowing he’d never be back. The equation had no solution. It was gibberish but no one here was smart enough to prove it wrong. No, he’d never be bothered again because he was a real genius.

 


The Rob Saga The Rob Saga is available in paperback. It is available at Createspace and Amazon.



Appalachia
Appalachia

There are people living on the edge in what is called Appalachia. They're called ridgerunners, rednecks, hillbillies and backwoods mountaineers. No one thinks of them very often. They don't earn much to society's standards.They stay where they are because they love the area. They are hard workers when they have work and self-sufficient to an extent not known to "outsiders." They are also very funny; they have a great sense of humor about themselves.

They are the salt of the earth and the backbone of America. Their stories are America's stories. These are the stories Of Appalachia.

Book is available as an e-book or in paperback.
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Appalachia Again
Appalachia

More stories of the people of Appalachia.

More of Joe Bob, Bubba and Earl, Mosh Henry and all of the rest of the good folks in Wabash County.

Book is available as an e-book or in paperback.

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Funny Stories Don Roble
Funny Stories
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