Paperback compilation of the four Commuter books
Commuter Read e-books.
Funny Stuff To Read OnThe Commuter Bus, Train, Plane, HOV Lane.
Gordon Accidentally Jumped Out Of An Airplane Without A Chute
As soon as the last jumper went out Gordon jumped. He thought he’d free fall for a while. He wanted to be the last to land so he didn’t want to free fall too far. When he approached the last of the jumpers he reached to pull his cord and couldn’t find it. He quickly reached to pull his emergency chute. He wasn’t wearing it. He wasn’t wearing any chute. He was up chute creek.
He wasn’t too concerned. He’d jumped before without a chute. He hadn’t jumped before without a chute with out planning it. He wasn’t worried because the method was the same. Guide himself over to someone who was using a chute and ride down with him or her.
He got next to Harmon Gleckyl. Harmon was a good friend. He then drifted in and grabbed Harmon’s leg. Harmon looked down and yelled for Gordon to let go. Gordon pointed to the fact that he wasn’t wearing a chute. Harmon kicked him in the face and Gordon promptly fell away. Oh, Harmon.
The ground was approaching faster than Gordon had ever seen it. He remembered what his instructor had told him.
“The terminal velocity of a falling human being with arms and legs outstretched is about 120 miles per hour (192 km per hour) — slower than a lead balloon, but a good deal faster than a feather! The terminal velocity of a falling body occurs during free fall when a falling body experiences zero acceleration.”
Well, it would take a while for him to reach terminal velocity. He felt better until he realized terminal also meant the end of the falling and the beginning of the thumping, bouncing and fatal end of the jump. He looked around for a big haystack to try for. It may not help but hitting the ground wasn’t going to work at all. There had been people survive but Gordon wasn’t betting he’d be one of them. Plan! He needed a plan.
He didn’t have a lot of options and not a lot of time to consider them. Actually he didn’t have any options and almost no time. He was going to hit the ground. He was going to die. He closed his eyes and prayed.
He felt himself hit and roll over. He reached out and grabbed something. He didn’t understand it. He was dead and yet he felt hitting the ground. He had instinctively reached out and had grabbed something. What the Hell? No, not Hell, Holy Something Else. He opened his eyes and saw he was still in the sky. He was holding onto a landing gear. He looked up and could see the underside of a small plane. No, this wasn’t possible. If it was he was going to buy every lottery ticket he could. He felt like the luckiest man in the world, dismissing the fact that he had jumped out of an airplane with no chute and no plan.
Casey McCasey felt something hit his plane and then felt the plane bank to the right. He knew he had cleared the jumpers. He took a quick lean over and looked at the wing. It looked okay except for the legs sticking out below it. That was causing the plane to bank. O’Casey quickly banked to the left to equalize this . Then he thought about the legs. What did I hit? Who did I hit? How? I know I was clear of the jumpers. Crap.
He decided to bank hard left to see the wing better. There’s a man hanging on to the struts. There’s the problem. What the hell was this? The man was waving at him and McCasey waved back before he realized the absurdity of the situation. He knew he couldn’t land with that guy hanging on to the wing. He’d crash his plane. It wasn’t paid for yet. He made a logical decision. The guy had to get off the wing. He couldn’t very well climb into the plane so he had to be thrown off somehow. He simply had to go.
McCasey started to do some turns, height adjustments and a total flip. He banked hard left to see the guy still holding on. He started looking for a electrical pole. It would take some good flying to clear the wire while knocking this guy off. Better yet, a cell tower. He could fly at ninety degrees and knock the unlucky dude off without harm to his plane. He felt bad for the guy but life’s a bitch. For this guy, a real, total bitch.
Gordon was holding on for dear life. He couldn’t understand what this pilot was doing. He must be drunk or a bad flier. Gordon also didn’t know what good he was doing holding on. The plane couldn’t land with him under the wing and he knew he couldn’t get on top even if there was anything to hold on to. He wasn’t about to let go though. He soon realized this flier was trying to shake him off. Well, Gordon didn’t see any advantage to him with that and gripped the strut even tighter.
McCasey looked to see that his fuel was getting low. He figured he’d have to land with this guy hanging on. He might not crash. He hoped killing this dummy wouldn’t raise his insurance. Maybe he could sue this guy’s family unless he was charged with manslaughter. Maybe he could claim he hit a cow when he landed. There wouldn’t be much difference between a pile of cow mess and a man’s remains after that kind of landing. No one- nah, the coroner would probably be able to tell the difference.
Gordon looked at the pilot when he tried to fling him off with steep left bank. The pilot flipped him the finger. Gordon flipped the pilot a double finger.
Oh, shouldn’t have done that.
The Rob Saga is available as an ebook and in paperback. It is available at Createspace and Amazon.
There are people living on the edge in what is called Appalachia. They're called ridgerunners, rednecks, hillbillies and backwoods mountaineers. No one thinks of them very often. They don't earn much to society's standards.They stay where they are because they love the area. They are hard workers when they have work and self-sufficient to an extent not known to "outsiders." They are also very funny; they have a great sense of humor about themselves.
They are the salt of the earth and the backbone of America. Their stories are America's stories. These are the stories Of Appalachia.
Book is available as an e-book or in Paperback.
More stories of the people of Appalachia.
More of Joe Bob, Bubba and Earl, Mosh Henry and all of the rest of the good folks in Wabash County.
Book is available as an e-book or in Paperback.