The Greek Gods

For thousands of years the Greek gods, led by Zeus, led the Greeks. Suddenly, they all went away. What happened to them? No one ever knew or ,if they did, ever let on. Last year a group of Greek goat herders fermented some old, spoiled feta cheese, spread in on crackers and saw visions. Right after that they died under suspicious circumstances.

The Greek, hearing the visions, held a festival. The Greeks have 364 Festival Days each year. The only day open is April 9th. All the work gets done then. The men at the festival drank great quantities of fermented juices and spoke of the visions they’d heard of. It was difficult to understand them. Drunk, a Greek sounds exactly like a West Virginian.

This seems to be what the visions say about the demise of the Greek god power.

Diogenes was going around at night with a lamp looking for, “one honest man”. One night he got mugged by a dishonest man. The Greek police said Diogenes was unable to describe his assailant because, “it was too dark”.

Thor, the god of thunder, was committed to an insane asylum for his overwhelming fear of loud noises. Anything over a whisper got him all riled up and the noise he made was popping eardrums. He was kept on a heavy dose of Lithium, a Roman beverage.

Eros, the god of Love, decided to become a monk. That not only changed him, it changed the monks too. Party on!

Circe, the Dread goddess, fell asleep and woke up millenniums later as Martha Stewart.

Fate met his.

Medusa finally got hers when she was teasing her hair one morning and one of the snakes got all bent out of shape over it. Snakes aren’t famed for their sense of humor and this one got caught in the wrong mood.

Hades, the god of the underworld, was the one who really mugged Diogenes. He claimed he needed the light to see. He died when he tried to light the light and lit his clothes instead. It was too dark to see. After he lit himself, he could see very well, for a minute or two.

Io, the heifer goddess, started a franchise of fat farms.

Kalypso, the Queenly Nympth, found out she wasn’t getting anywhere this way so she became a nun. The nunnery, at the time located next to a monastery, had to be moved.

Pan, the goat god, ended up as a stir fry at the first Greek festival.