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(A new story fromAppalachia)

Joe Bob Becomes A Hero

Appalachia

Joe Bob stopped in at Marvin’s Fast Stop for a hot dog when he saw the gun. He should have drawn his gun and then confronted the robber. He didn’t and that led to his being a hero. The robber heard Joe Bob yell for him to drop his gun. The robber also saw Joe Bob hadn’t drawn his. He said to the Deputy, “Well, I reckon not. I have my gun aimed at you and your gun is still holstered.”

Joe Bob saw that right away. He felt stupid for the moment. Then he noticed the robber had a water pistol, not a real gun. He told him, “Now, there’s no need for anyone to get hurt here. Just put that there gun down and let me arrest ya.”

The robber shot Joe Bob in the face with pepper spray. He turned to Marvin and told him to hand over the cash or he’d get the same. Marvin wasn’t going to argue that. As the robber was grabbing the cash Joe Bob was stumbling around feeling like he’d been sat ablaze. While he stumbled he also knocked the pepper-spray gun out of the robber’s hand. Marvin then knocked the robber out with a baseball bat. The robber went down and wasn’t getting back up any too soon.

“Joe Bob, that was the bravest thing I ever saw. You didn’t have no way a knowin’ that weren’t a real gun. Good Lord, you took a pretty big risk.” Joe Bob wasn’t really listening. He was trying to figure out a way to put the fire out. He knew he hadn’t done anything except get sprayed but he was in no shape to argue with Marvin. He did think to tell Marvin to call 911 and get some backup here while he tried to keep from throwing up.

“Joe Bob, you knocked the gun outta his hand and I cold-cocked him a good one. Why you still hoppin’ ‘round like that. Ya look a little silly now.”

“Oh my God, I can’t see! I’m blind and feel like I’m on fire! The robber-”

“Now, Joe Bob, there ain’t no need to be using the Lord’s name in vain. You been to Sunday school. You keep that up and you are going to burn in Hell. Jus’ ask the Reverend Black. You jus’ ask ‘im. The robber ain’t goin’ nowhere any time soon except to the jail.”

More Deputies arrived along with the Sheriff. All he heard was a deputy had been shot. He was a little put out to find out it was pepper spray. He felt guilty for feeling that way but it was the way he felt. They got the robber to the jail. One of the new deputies was reading the guy his rights.

“You have the right to an attorney; if you don’t have one, or, can’t afford one one shall-”

“Of course I can’t afford an attorney. Why do ya think I rob places for?”

“Ah, ha! You’re confessin’ to robbin’ the store! This is easy!”

The sheriff grabbed the deputy and pulled him out of the room. “You dumbass! You hadn’t read him his rights yer. Not all of them. That confession don’t count. Dumbass.”

The DA, Paulie Williams, charged him with armed robbery and assault on a police officer. Squire Davis was appointed to defend the guy. He and Paulie met for lunch. Paulie figured Squire would try to talk him down to attempted robbery and simple assault.

“Squire, I know you want me to go with attempted robbery and simple assault but I ain’t going to. The Sheriff is mighty pissed about Joe Bob getting pepper-sprayed. He is all hot to have this guy do some real time. I got an election comin’ up and I don’t need the Sheriff bad-mouthing me.”

“I hear you. The guy really got clobbered by Marvin. They had to sent over to County Hospital. That took awhile and the guy felt like he had four heads. He’s gong to be a long time coming all the way back- if he does. Instead of Attempted robbery, how about simple assault on Marvin. Marvin did get the better of him.”

“Yea, he really laid that guy out. He seemed okay for a while before he started throwing himself around. They day it was kind of scary. Okay, simple assault on the robbery. But, he has to go down on Joe Bob- er, I mean he has to go do some time for that.”

“Okay, I can talk him into that, I think. Minimum time?”

“Okay. Let’s hope Judge Hill goes along with it. He’s up for re-election too.”

“Then I’d say we need to get the Sheriff to go along with it.”

The Sheriff wanted no part of the deal. The term, “Rot in Hell”, came up.

Paulie and Squire had another meeting. Paulie told Squire ,“The Sheriff is holding my feet to the fire on this one. He figures the guy has to do some hard time for the assault on Joe Bob. He don’t care all that much about the robbery.”

“Okay. I’m planning to ask Melvin about the ‘armed’ part of the robbery. Seems like after Joe Bob got sprayed it was pretty obvious the guy only had a water pistol. That isn’t too much ‘armed’ around these parts.”

“Oh, I see your putting on your ‘good ole boy’ act. Okay, I’ll go with attempted robbery. Best I can do.”

“Now, I know the jury will be all up in arms over the assault charge. They are good law abiding people. They also like Joe bob even if they think he’s cursed or spooked or -”

The Sheriff refused to budge on the assault charge. “I don’t care how much a fool Squire makes Joe Bob out ta be, I ain’t havin’ one a my deputies whacked around.”

After the trial Joe Bob was treated better for a while. Bobby Tasco finally had enough and told him, “Now, Joe Bob, ya listen to me. I’m an old man and I know a few things. Ya keep on struttin’ around like t ya been and someone like Teech Boom is gonna test ya. Believe that.”

Teech Boom was the local bully. Not everyone was afraid of him bit Joe Bob was in the group that was. He talked it over with his wife, Janie. She listened to him. She knew he had a reputation for being something of a klutz. After listening to him she told him, “Joe Bob, honey, Ya had your moment in the sun. Now it’s time to sit in the shade a bit. In other words, leave ff the strutting and go back to be just plain old Joe Bob.”

 


The Rob Saga The Rob Saga is available as an ebook and in paperback. It is available at Createspace and Amazon.



Appalachia
Appalachia

There are people living on the edge in what is called Appalachia. They're called ridgerunners, rednecks, hillbillies and backwoods mountaineers. No one thinks of them very often. They don't earn much to society's standards.They stay where they are because they love the area. They are hard workers when they have work and self-sufficient to an extent not known to "outsiders." They are also very funny; they have a great sense of humor about themselves.

They are the salt of the earth and the backbone of America. Their stories are America's stories. These are the stories Of Appalachia.

Book is available as an e-book or in Paperback.
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Appalachia Again
Appalachia

More stories of the people of Appalachia.

More of Joe Bob, Bubba and Earl, Mosh Henry and all of the rest of the good folks in Wabash County.

Book is available as an e-book or in Paperback.

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Funny Stories Don Roble
Funny Stories
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