Original Short Stories
Einstein-A Real Genius-Albert Einstein was a real genius. He managed to put being intelligent together with being a little lazy and make it pay off big time.
Whispering Sam Gets A Hearing Aid -Whispering Sam got his nickname from the fact he was near deaf and either didn’t know it or wouldn’t admit it.
Hank, Hogs and Heart Attacks- It then occurred to him that if he had a heart attack he hoped it wasn’t in the pigpen. Those hogs would eat anything. By the time Ma thought to look for him there wouldn’t be any him.
Charlie and the One-Antlered Deer -The deer also noted that the bucks with the most antlers got the most attention; unwanted attention. They would fight one another by banging heads together. The doe thought they were being fought over but the bucks were trying to knock their antlers off. It’s also why they rubbed them on trees. They would have cut them off if they’d had knives and opposable thumbs
No One Comes To The Hospital In A Hearse-“No, there won‘t be a ‘fuss. I can call security if I need to. I have to check with someone and see if this would be okay. After all, no one comes to a hospital in a hearse.” He thought that was funny. It was funny.
Old People And Shopping-Ever go shopping on the day most old people get their Social Security check? It’s Friday for the oldest of them and Black Friday has a new meaning for these people. It’s the day they make other people’s Friday black. It might be a hobby to them. If so, it keeps them busy.
Adventures In Heart Surgery -Dan went to Dr. Smith who told him his x-ray showed an anomaly. He wanted to have Dan take a stress test. Well, no way Dan wanted that. He didn’t have good breathing as was. The doctor said he found that interesting and all the more reason to do it.
Mawrey Is A Charter Sailor Who Hates His Job and His Customers -He pulled into the wharf where Simon, a deckhand, among other things, helped him tie the boat up. Mawrey told Simon to take the fish to Missy’s to cook for dinner that night. Simon looked at the fish and said, “Mr. Marry, that fish looks shot.”
Original Short Stories
Man, Cats and Dogs -Man has always had an ambivalent relationship with cats and dogs. On the one hand, he is deathly and justifiable afraid of mastiffs, pit bulls, lions and tigers. No question, no argument. On the other hand, he is not afraid of cats or chihuahua’s even though he should be given his history with them.
The Old Cowpoke -“No, ain’t no horse goin’ off except maybe Old Bullet. He’s kinda suicidal. Iffen he does, well heck, wave your hat and go on down in a blaze a glory.”
The Kitten And The Crow -“Obviously, the crow had lost it’s young, possibly to a cat, although it may not know that, and adopted the kitten as the son or daughter it no longer has. I can’t prove that but you can’t prove me wrong.”
(A new story fromAppalachia) Joe Bob Becomes A Hero-Joe Bob stopped in at Marvin’s Fast Stop for a hot dog when he saw the gun. He should have drawn his gun and then confronted the robber. He didn’t and that led to his being a hero. The robber heard Joe Bob yell for him to drop his gun. The robber also saw Joe Bob hadn’t drawn his. He said to the Deputy, “Well, I reckon not. I have my gun aimed at you and your gun is still holstered.”
Cheap Whiskey, Cheap Women, Cheap Bars-Charlie downed another shot, sipped some beer to help it go down and glanced over at Martha, or Molly, or maybe Mary. He couldn’t remember and it didn’t matter. If she stayed for one more drink Charlie thought he’d get her into the back of his car. If he got her to stay for one more drink he knew she’d do it. He was Charlie Pickett. He was somebody- at least in this dinky, dead little town. He used to be somebody but now he just was somebody.
Yellow Jackets And What Not To Do With Them Or To Them - Yellow jackets will bother you if they so much as see you. If you are stupid enough to bother them they take no responsibility for their actions. If you run over their nest with a riding mower all Hell breaks loose.
Sheriff Ray Thinks He’s Sheriff Andy Of Mayberry But No One Else Does- Sheriff Ray got a call telling him there was a fight going on at Paul’s Bar. He thought about calling one of his deputies to handle it since he didn’t like to get too close to violence. He was in this business for the money. Then he decided to handle it himself since these bar fights usually ended when a badge walked in. Also, the bar was right across the street from his office. It might not look right for the fight to end before a deputy got there while he sat across the street.
Robin Hood Tries To Control the Crusaders And Pisses All Of Them Off - Rob decides to go on a crusade and things get out of hand. Others want to go and Robin Hood wants to take charge although not going along.
The Men Try To Get Organized And Set Off To London With Nothing Settled - Francis, Friar Tuck and Abu Abu rode slowly down the Nottingham Road. They weren’t in any hurry. They knew the other three wouldn’t stop until the horses quit on them. Catching up was going to be easy. They also weren’t in a hurry because, as Tuck said, “The Crusades aren’t going anywhere any time soon.”
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Appalachia and Appalachia Again available in one volume
There are people living on the edge in what is called Appalachia. They're called ridgerunners, rednecks, hillbillies and backwoods mountaineers. No one thinks of them very often. They don't earn much to society's standards.They stay where they are because they love the area. They are hard workers when they have work and self-sufficient to an extent not known to "outsiders." They are also very funny; they have a great sense of humor about themselves.
They are the salt of the earth and the backbone of America. Their stories are America's stories. These are the stories Of Appalachia.
More stories of the people of Appalachia.
More of Joe Bob, Bubba and Earl, Mosh Henry and all of the rest of the good folks in Wabash County.
Book is available as an e-book or in paperback.