Original Short Stories
Einstein-A Real Genius-Albert Einstein was a real genius. He managed to put being intelligent together with being a little lazy and make it pay off big time.
Whispering Sam Gets A Hearing Aid -Whispering Sam got his nickname from the fact he was near deaf and either didn’t know it or wouldn’t admit it.
Hank, Hogs and Heart Attacks- It then occurred to him that if he had a heart attack he hoped it wasn’t in the pigpen. Those hogs would eat anything. By the time Ma thought to look for him there wouldn’t be any him.
Charlie and the One-Antlered Deer -The deer also noted that the bucks with the most antlers got the most attention; unwanted attention. They would fight one another by banging heads together. The doe thought they were being fought over but the bucks were trying to knock their antlers off. It’s also why they rubbed them on trees. They would have cut them off if they’d had knives and opposable thumbs
No One Comes To The Hospital In A Hearse-“No, there won‘t be a ‘fuss. I can call security if I need to. I have to check with someone and see if this would be okay. After all, no one comes to a hospital in a hearse.” He thought that was funny. It was funny.
Old People And Shopping-Ever go shopping on the day most old people get their Social Security check? It’s Friday for the oldest of them and Black Friday has a new meaning for these people. It’s the day they make other people’s Friday black. It might be a hobby to them. If so, it keeps them busy.
Adventures In Heart Surgery -Dan went to Dr. Smith who told him his x-ray showed an anomaly. He wanted to have Dan take a stress test. Well, no way Dan wanted that. He didn’t have good breathing as was. The doctor said he found that interesting and all the more reason to do it.
Mawrey Is A Charter Sailor Who Hates His Job and His Customers -He pulled into the wharf where Simon, a deckhand, among other things, helped him tie the boat up. Mawrey told Simon to take the fish to Missy’s to cook for dinner that night. Simon looked at the fish and said, “Mr. Marry, that fish looks shot.”
Original Short Stories
Robin Hood Tries To Control the Crusaders And Pisses Them Off -Rob knew if they thought he should go first it was the wrong thing to do. “No, I rather think not. I’m no bloody fool, Gilbert Whitehand.”
The Men Try To Get Organized And Set Off To London With Nothing Settled - Francis, Friar Tuck and Abu Abu rode slowly down the Nottingham Road. They weren’t in any hurry. They knew the other three wouldn’t stop until the horses quit on them. Catching up was going to be easy. They also weren’t in a hurry because, as Tuck said, “The Crusades aren’t going anywhere any time soon.”
They Arrive In London To Make Arrangements To Get To France -They were interested in what they were seeing. Little of it was exactly new but the sheer immensity of it staggered them. From behind them they heard, “Get the ‘ell out of the way, ye arseholes. I’ve a job to do ‘ere.”
Man, Cats and Dogs -Man has always had an ambivalent relationship with cats and dogs. On the one hand, he is deathly and justifiable afraid of mastiffs, pit bulls, lions and tigers. No question, no argument. On the other hand, he is not afraid of cats or chihuahua’s even though he should be given his history with them.
The Old Cowpoke -“No, ain’t no horse goin’ off except maybe Old Bullet. He’s kinda suicidal. Iffen he does, well heck, wave your hat and go on down in a blaze a glory.”
The Kitten And The Crow -“Obviously, the crow had lost it’s young, possibly to a cat, although it may not know that, and adopted the kitten as the son or daughter it no longer has. I can’t prove that but you can’t prove me wrong.”
A Nutcase Is A Nutcase—The real trouble with nutcases is that a nutcase doesn’t know he’s a nutcase.
The Dung Show—It’s like slowing down to see a car wreck. We all do it. We may not like what we see but we have to see it.
Learning To Drive A Stick-shift —“Yea. Hell yes”, I told him. I knew how to drive. I just didn’t know how to shift gears on my own.
Alan Just Likes To Fly—Alan wouldn't be your first choice as a pilot.
Kansas—There’s the weather. It’s very predictable. It’s always bad.
Arlene and Lips—Arlene tended the bar at the Roadside Inn. Her husband, Lips, was the bouncer.
Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse and Sgt. Preston of the Yukon Palaver—Right after the Custer fight.
The Millionaire—Getting a million dollars doesn't always work out.
Panic Times—Yes, there are times to panic.
How Would You Feel If—If the government ignored you when they owed you money?
Harvest Fest—A long and stupid tradition.
Homer- Heaven or Hell?—Is being dead all that bad?
Motorcycle Man—Duke wasn't all there.; not menatally or physically.
Rats!—He was wondering what the cat died from. He thought it would be hilarious if it was rat poison.
The Watering Hole—The elephants were playing around , making a racket, messing up the water as well as messing in the water.
When Spirits Talk —The Thing That Goes Bump In The Night came stumbling up.
The Spirit Life—It took Thomas a couple of days to realize he was a spirit. As he left the office after a day with no bitching from his boss, Charlie felt odd.
Lab Monkeys —The monkeys had already changed some of the data on the computers.
The Price Of Sin—You might think sin is free but it isn't.
The Tea Protest— Not only that, after you make the tea, you have to set the soggy bag somewhere. It’s disgusting.
Musicals—Three sailors from the 1940's leave a bar to go back to their ship. Suddenly, dancing breaks out. What? Dancing?
Bigfoot, or Sasquatch, or Whatever—Bigfoot was squatting doing his business, a lot of business.
The Opera—William Wellstone and his wife Olivia had a love-hate relationship with the opera. She loved it and he hated it.
Interview With Sasquatch —“Sasquatch. We don’t have two names. Some of us aren’t that bright and we don’t want any confusion”, Sasquatch told him.
The Elevator People— She pushed the light and the door opens again! Now The Elevator People are squealing like little girls.
Lip Reading—“Yea, well, there is that. Uh, oh, here he comes. Act nice.”
Death Row, the Last Meal—“Hey, it ain’t like the old days when we used ‘Sparky’. Heck, now you just take a cat nap, except you don’t wake up from it.”
Jury Duty—In the jury room we had a problem. None of the six jurors wanted to be made foreman. It didn’t pay any more money so the heck with that.
The Rob Saga is available as an ebook and in paperback. It is available at Createspace and Amazon.Appalachia
There are people living on the edge in what is called Appalachia. They're called ridgerunners, rednecks, hillbillies and backwoods mountaineers. No one thinks of them very often. They don't earn much to society's standards.They stay where they are because they love the area. They are hard workers when they have work and self-sufficient to an extent not known to "outsiders." They are also very funny; they have a great sense of humor about themselves.
They are the salt of the earth and the backbone of America. Their stories are America's stories. These are the stories Of Appalachia.
Book is available as an e-book or in paperback.
More stories of the people of Appalachia.
More of Joe Bob, Bubba and Earl, Mosh Henry and all of the rest of the good folks in Wabash County.
Book is available as an e-book or in paperback.
See a preview.